Other things you might say to yourself include: Adding the phrase “in this moment” to a statement like “I am feeling stress, anger, or hurt” can help us be with what is there without feeling overwhelmed. It can also be beneficial to see our emotional “visitors” as temporary guests. Labeling our distressing emotions gives us a way of validating our inner experience, but it has the added benefit of dialing down their intensity. It can be useful to name our feelings ( Oh, that’s hurt that’s jealousy that’s anger) because, as simple as this sounds, we often don’t pay attention to the nuances of what we are feeling consequently, important information gets lost along the way. Mindfully observing what we are feeling can help us cope with whatever is before us. Step 2: Take a curious look at whatever walks in the door Who wants to let anxiety in the door? Who wants to welcome in sadness or anger? But when we let in whatever arrives, and see it from a bit of a distance, we can take a curious look and explore what is there. This is a new experience for most people. Part of the practice is simply to accept whatever arrives. Often people will picture their emotions as having some kind of color, shape, or form sometimes they envision their emotions as cartoon characters or as younger parts of themselves. From this perspective, you can take a gentle and curious look at what is there. You can picture this seat as close to or as far away from you as you like. Imagine that you are opening the door and welcoming your emotions in, to come and have a seat somewhere in the room. Step 1: Develop a willingness to open the door To do this practice yourself, make sure to start with emotions that are not too intense you might want to work with a skilled therapist, especially for more intense emotions. But what can help us get there? The tools of mindful attention, self-compassion, and acceptance-which all come together in a practice I call “The Door.” If we want to live more fully and be our most authentic selves, we need to turn towards our pain, not try to suppress it. As a therapist, I have also seen tremendous healing with my patients as they have learned to embrace their difficult emotions. Learning to embrace dark emotions brought not only a significant reduction in my anxiety, but an ability to experience the joys of life more fully and a growing trust in my ability to handle life’s challenges. Research suggests that when we turn toward our cravings, we are less likely to engage in addictive behaviors when we turn toward our physical pain, we are less likely to be trapped in cycles of chronic pain when we turn toward our sadness, we are less likely to be stuck in depression and when we turn toward our anxiety, we are less likely to be paralyzed by it and can find it easier to bear. But avoiding unpleasant emotions-rather than accepting them-only increases our psychological distress, inflexibility, anxiety, and depression, diminishing our well-being. As I write about in my new book, Dancing on the Tightrope, the desire to avoid what’s unpleasant (and seek what’s pleasant) is part of human nature.

Dark thoughts drawing